


the things that you do are not who you are

by gh0steses



Category: BlazBlue
Genre: Angst, M/M, i guess, nobody in this goddamn house knows how emotions work cause Other Shit Is Too Important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 22:59:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16463999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gh0steses/pseuds/gh0steses
Summary: “Don't change the subject,” Ragna scolds with the mildest hint of frustration, stubbornly holding Kagura's gaze until he looks away. “If you want to talk about it, I'll listen.”





	the things that you do are not who you are

**Author's Note:**

> boy you can tell where I got stuck can't you  
> this is probably melodramatic but yknow. whatever. kagura is that bitch anyway  
> im sure the title makes no sense but franz ferdinand is good and some of their songs fit these two so. shruuuugs  
> yknow i really wanted to do a halloween thing and i decided that on the FUCKIN 27TH so like. thanks for that foresight. i dont have ideas anyway. i could just finish something i didnt intend to post and put it up but Good Lord.  
> edit: its halloween and i barely have ideas now and im too depressed

“Kagura, didn't you hear m-” Ragna freezes in the doorway. Unsurprisingly, Kagura isn't working, instead leaned all the way back in his chair, arms crossed. Not sleeping, but staring blankly at the wall across from his desk. “Um… Kagura?”

Rubbing his eyes, Kagura hums in acknowledgement. The spacey feeling that overtook him subsides, if only slightly. “Yeah?” He glances at the paper on his desk in passing, completely out of habit, and scowls when he looks away. As much as he wants to ignore his discomfort, it bothers him. 

Ragna isn't sure how to approach this. He's never really seen Kagura this… out of it. Clearly upset. He wonders if it's because Kagura has never  _ let  _ him see him upset. “Something's up. What's wrong?” He's dreadfully out of his depth in even bringing up how off Kagura's acting, but he can't force himself to ignore it. 

“Kinda tired. It's nothing.”

“No. I know you. If you were  _ tired _ , you’d’ve fallen asleep by now.”

“Alright, fine. I'm not in the best mood.” Kagura sighs, drums his fingers on his desk. “I, uh… I really want a drink but it'd be bad for me right now. Could you take this so I can't?” He takes the key to his liquor cabinet from his pocket and slides it across his desk in Ragna's direction. Even admitting that felt wrong. It's for the best, though. It's an unusually uncomfortable type of intimacy compared to what he's used to. He's really not a fan. 

As he crosses the room to take it, Ragna grows more concerned. Not because Kagura's asking him to stop him from drinking, but because there's a lot to unpack in that statement. The implication that Kagura could harm himself doing something so innocuous makes Ragna's stomach turn. It makes him want to swallow the key so there would never be a chance of it happening. “Of course.” He pauses for a second, bites the inside of his lip and leans against Kagura's desk. “Are you  _ sure _ you're gonna be okay?” 

Kagura gives a small laugh and a weak smile. The rest of his face doesn't follow through, and the insincerity of his smile only makes Ragna worry more. “Are you asking because I told you not to let me drink?”

“Kagura.” Ragna's eyes narrow and he huffs in annoyance. “I'm serious.”

“I know you are,” Kagura says with a sigh, raking a hand through his hair as his expression falls again. “‘M not feelin’ too hot is all. Don't worry about it, babe.” Being so dismissive makes him feel guilty. He's not sure what else he could do about it though. Things that get under his skin are left unaddressed so often that he doesn't even know how to approach bringing it up. It shouldn't be difficult to talk to Ragna about this. He doesn't feel like it should be, at least. Even Hibiki doesn't know about some of the things that he keeps so far under wraps, but if it doesn't get in the way of their work, he doesn't need to. 

The key in Ragna’s hand seems to get heavier. He looks down at it, turning the little piece of brass over in his palm and running his thumb along its ridges. The amount of trust it must've taken for Kagura to give this to him surprises him even though he knows it shouldn't. “I can't. If I can help you, I want to,” he says firmly, glancing at Kagura out of the corner of his eye. He still stares blankly down at his desk. Turning his head just enough to follow Kagura's gaze, Ragna's heart drops. The paper in front of him is a notice of the casualties of a lengthy list of soldiers. He hopes Kagura didn't notice him being nosy. While he has no particular remorse for the Library's dogs dying, now he at least has an idea of what has Kagura so shaken up. 

Notice Ragna's curiosity Kagura definitely did. Now he wants to avoid even thinking about it even more. “It's nothing, really. Dinner's getting cold, right?” Kagura stands and stretches, but Ragna places a hand on his shoulder before he can leave.

“Don't change the subject,” Ragna scolds with the mildest hint of frustration, stubbornly holding Kagura's gaze until he looks away. “If you want to talk about it, I'll listen.” 

Kagura slinks over to the window perpendicular to his desk. The thought of Ragna seeing him upset still rubs him the wrong way, but it's a bit late for that now. He can't bring himself to face him, though. He places his hands on the windowsill, and the sight of Yabiko in the distance calms him somewhat. He takes a deep breath, holding it for a moment before sighing heavily. “Half a squadron died earlier today. Hibiki said he's going to be looking into how and why, but I know it was Izanami trying to prove a point. I don't… I'm not great at dealing with this stuff. I try not to let it get to me but--” The words come awkwardly at first, but he finds that once he starts talking it gets difficult to stop. “It's… hard, y'know? Saying the losses my cause has lead to were necessary. Feels wrong. Disrespectful. I knew all this was risky when I started, and I knew these kinds of things would happen, but that doesn't make it any easier when I'm staring right down the barrel of it. It never gets easier.”

Ragna's sort of at a loss. What is he supposed to say? What  _ could  _ he say? He can't even begin to imagine what the burden of a sacrifice on that scale would feel like. Not to mention the disquieting realization that he easily may have caused Kagura this much grief in the past. It doesn't sit very well. The silence that settles while he flounders for a response makes him anxious, but he doesn't want to make things worse. He walks up behind Kagura and wraps his arms around him, placing his head on his shoulder. “Getting worked up over it now won't help. It's in the past. All you can do now is honor them by following through.” He should listen to his own advice. He's lost track of the times he's gotten caught up in wishing he could do something about what happened back at the church, wishing he had the strength to stand up to Terumi when he was only a child. 

There's a pause. Kagura places a hand over one of Ragna's and leans his head against his. “I know. But it's easy to get hung up on sometimes,” Kagura murmurs quietly, rubbing his cheek against Ragna's hair and closing his eyes. Ragna releases the breath he didn't know he was holding, relieved by Kagura's response. “...Thank you. Really.”

“Glad I could help.” He wouldn't mind staying like this for a while. Holding Kagura close, looking down at the lights in the city and enjoying a quiet moment together. “You know I love you,” Ragna says, pressing his lips to the side of Kagura's neck. 

“It would be weird if you didn't, at this point,” Kagura replies with a grin. “Love you too.”

“We should go eat. Food's gotta be getting cold by now.” 

As much as talking helped, it was draining. Kagura yawns, leans his full weight back against Ragna, and laughs when he makes a disgruntled noise in protest at having to hold him up. “I just wanna go to bed and cuddle, babe.” 

Kagura  _ must _ be feeling better if he's back to demanding affection. “After. Don't make me drag your ass downstairs.” 

Standing and turning around to face Ragna, Kagura gives him a gentle kiss. “Couldn't you feed me up here?” 

Ragna snorts. “You wish.” But Kagura's easy demeanor beginning to come back is a huge relief. He turns to leave. “Now let's  _ go _ , before I decide I'm sleeping on the couch.”


End file.
